Ah, those TEEN years we had. Remember how much FUN they were? Not a care in the world. Then one day we grew up-and our beautiful little "darlings" became TEENAGERS themselves. Things certainly turned around, now THEY were the ones who knew everything. We were suddenly OLD and not only that, we didn't know a thing.
I got the nicest compliments from my children-wonderful sayings like "Get with it, Mom" or "You just don't GET IT." I DON'T GET IT?? During these years, my daughter stayed pretty stable (having already caught on that she wasn't going to win) but I noticed my son kept changing things in his room---almost obsessively. I'd wake up at 2am and hear him re-arranging his room. What is he DOING? This was no "normal" Feng Shui attack, mind you, and it wasn't cleaning. It was changing his furniture around.
We had learned in Feng Shui School that we cannot change a teenager's room. That means NO CLEANING. We were told to close the door and disassociate ourselves from their rooms. Their energy is changing rapidly and we should not interfere with it. As long as there were no health hazards in the room, we were told to respect their space. Easier said then done, believe me!
My clients often ask me about their teenagers' room and we are not permitted to allow them to change it. Whether you live in a home or New York City Apartment, it doesn't change the rule. They can only make suggestions to their teens or have them home during the consultation. I can then explain the different areas of their rooms AND the necessity of keeping them clean and clutter free. (You'd be amazed how many of them listened, they all seemed to love hearing about their Wealth and Relationship areas)! For the teens I was able to ‘get through' to, I had some very happy clients. Meanwhile, back at the ranch (actually a small cottage) I STILL didn't know a THING.
I was a good Feng Shui Consultant mother for as long as I could stand it. One day I looked in there and went against ALL Feng Shui "rules." The clothes came off the floor (I was thrilled to see the carpet again!), the room got a good cleaning and I incorporated some Feng Shui things in there as well. I had broken the cardinal rule of Feng Shui and Teens.
One area I addressed was his CAREER area. He'd turned 16 and was trying to find his first "real" job-and he wasn't having any luck. I was waiting for him when he came home that day and he looked more shocked then anything. I had treaded on his turf but I can't say he looked unhappy about it. I think it made him feel better to see he HAD a room, not a space that would have made a garage look good. He was told to keep it that way...period. Thus the end of my good Feng Shui mom days.
But then again, what did I know? He came home the next day with one of those ‘teen' looks you can't quite describe. I was waiting for him to say something, wondering what he was thinking when he asked me what did I DO in there? I cleaned it, obviously (and they know everything??) and I said, I had enhanced both his wealth AND career areas so he could find a job. Ah, THAT was the look, disbelief...he had found a job that very afternoon and it was paying more then the minimum wage jobs he'd been applying for.
I had a brief believer. But time passes, they forget and you go back to the mother that isn't "with it." I had briefly Feng Shuied my son! When those years are finally over, they suddenly start to "get it" themselves. Maybe you're not quite as out of it as they thought---maybe you actually KNOW something and have some insights. It can be quite a transformation when they come to you for ADVICE. You've survived!
If you have a teen yourself at home, or a near teen or a child who will one day become a teen, remember to close the door and pretend the room doesn't exist. It's true; it's a Feng Shui rule. And sometimes even Feng Shui Rules were made to be broken.
*Carole Provenzale has been a Certified Feng Shui Consultant provding on site Long Island and New York City Feng Shui Consultations for homes, businesses, new construction, renovations and corporations. Founder of Feng Shui Long Island also providing distance Feng Shui Consultations by individual phone sessions.
Sometimes we walk into Olivier's room, and if we ever find it clean. we ask him whose room it is. He doesn't think we are as clever as we do. That's a terrific room you've got here. Like it alot. Something to aspire to, says Olivier.
cheers
pigstyroom because she has my sewing machine, my hot rollers, my scissors, etc. I guess it doesn't work the other way round!Carole,
If it did not burn the rest of the home I would put a match in my son's room and run.
I think I will start by begging him this year to pick up after himself.
Sincerely
tom Braatz
Hi Carole,
So my kids are normal!! I thought I raised little piggies! It is funny 2 out of my 3 children in their teenage years were so messy in their rooms I could not stand it, not even with the door closed. I knew every time I walked by what disaster was in there!! But they would tell me that I am a clean freak and sad to say I am. I have relaxed somewhat as I have aged but still like everything pretty much spotless.
Funny how we parents lose our brains when our children are teenagers, then suddenly we grow them back once they become young adults. I my kids now phone me for advice!!
Merry Christmas and have a wonderful New Year.
Best Wishes, Trace
Lisa, You put it better then I could have---it was frightening in there! I have a lot of patience and try to follow all the rules BUT this was the exception. I'd had it :) Since he got that job he was a little shocked!
Gary, They say to choose your battles, I had lost this one. I closed the door as long as I could and then had a Feng Shui attack in there :) Thank you for your story, seems many of us have been there.
Kathy, Isn't it funny when you're missing something, you know exactly where you left it and it's missing? And NOBODY in the house has touched it? I never could figure that out!!
Joan, That is too funny :) I wouldn't let them eat in their rooms (which is not to say they didn't sneak food in at every opportunity). Dandi is one smart little puppy.
Tom, The same idea crossed my mind. I thought it best to break the Feng Shui rule before it broke me!
Sally, It's funny, when my daughter is home from college she doesn't clean up but keeps telling me how NEAT she is up there :) And my son? Now he has to clean up after himself--
Kris, I couldn't understand it, he was moving furniture around in the middle of the night. That's exactly what the Feng Shui mentors said, it was their energy changing so rapidly. Interesting isn't it?
Trace, That is too cute, I'm sure they give you great advice. It's things you would have told them, in reverse! I'm not a clean freak but close and that room was WAY beyond my tolerance :) Good to hear I'm not alone.
If what goes around, comes around; I'm in big trouble when my little one reaches the teen years. I thought my Mom knew nothing!
I think it is very interesting about Feng Shui says about teens energy changing so rapidly, makes sense with all the hormones raging.
Hey Carole -- Yesterday, my 24 year old daughter took me back to those years when "I knew nothing and she knew everything" Her company is changing health insurance at the first of the year and she called me from her office to ask my opinion on which plan would be best for her -- While she was explaining it to me I heard a co-worker in the background comment, "It's not that difficult that you have to call your mom!"
My daughters response. . . I call my parents for their opinions all the time because I am new at being an adult and don't want to mess it up!"
Priceless, Huh? To me that made up for all those teenage years I seemed useless to her! Actually made me welt up with tears!
Been There and doing this teen thing - I apparently don't know anything either
Bonner
Cynthia, It is funny but it really does make sense. They're not comfortable in themselves and it relates to their surroundings. Still, I had reached my limit with the house! I was able to leave the door OPEN after that, what a relief :)
Katerina, I had the opposite but I believe my daughter was neater because I'd tried to "win the war" first with my son--she didn't want to go through it. I have such a tiny house, it was never out of mind!!
Karen, What a great daughter! I think that's priceless (and a bit obnoxious of the person that said it). Just to let you know, my daughter is 23 now and realizes she doesn't know much at all. And she still tells me where she's going and what time she'll be home. Shr realizes I do that still because I love her so much.
Sarah, It goes SO fast, you are very right. But be prepared to know absolutely NOTHING for a while! I have to wonder what my kids will be like when THEY have kids of their own!!
Bonner, Hold on, you will again when they get older I promise! When I think about it, I was almost the same way and then they outgrow it---what a relief!
Don't ya just love teenagers :) I'm so glad mine are grown, as everything you said brought memories flashing through my head. Carole I loved how you said, "And sometimes even Feng Shui Rules were made to be broken." with teenagers we do what we have to :)
Carole, What a beautiful and witty, fun post. I laughed throughout reading it and felt as though you were describing my room as a teenager and now my son's room.
The room was neat and tidy before he came home from university two weeks ago. I went in there to give him something the other day, and almost tripped over the snowboard in the middle of the walkway. I said 'oh my, it's like an obstacle course in here!'. He laughed affectionately and I smiled. It's ok though.....I'm not going to disturb his 'energy'.
You're so insightful and brilliant....I just love these posts of yours.
((-:
Jo
Awesome Story Carole - I am going to share it with my Girls over the Holidays! Isn't it amazing children can be soooo different....Kara ( my oldest) is in her last year of law school in Grand Rapids) she was a messy teen - she is much better organized now in her own apartment.... Kelly (is a college sophomore and a math major living at Purdue) she was always neat...has even her clothes closet organized by color spectrum ... LOL
Thanks for sharing this!
Sincerely,
Grace
Robert, For a while my son's room always looked like a hurricane hit it. I HAD to step in, it was frightening in there :) Thank you for your comment.
Kathy, I felt like a 'bad' Feng Shui consultant but did I love that room when it was done! That was one rule I had to break :)
JO, It's amazing to me that now my daughter comes home and has to be told to pick up after herself...She leaves her things scattered from one end of the house to the other. I think the dogs put in a wake up call, they got one of her books---and apparently were a tad hungry :) Finally she's started picking up!
Dena, I've had to do that and it isn't fun. It's impossible to rationalize with teenagers most of the time but when a home is on the market I have to be firm. If I don't get them to make some changes, the house won't sell and it's likely their parents will get into some financial difficulty. I am absolute, the posters come DOWN and if they don't clean the room for showings, the parents do. It may interfere with their energy for a bit but it's better then financial troubles.....
Grace, I am amazed, I believe my daughter was neat because in the early days I used to argue with my son...and she figured it was easier to just clean up. Now that she's in school when she comes home she makes a mess and thinks nothing of it....I am convinced you can't win :)
Oooohh, this brings back memories of our kids as teens. Let me state they have grown up onto wonderful adults but the teen years were somewhat bumpy. My son was always neat about his room, my daughter was always messy. This hasn't changed. they just don't live with me anymore!
Oh, yeah, I've also gotten a lot smarter since they were 18.
Donna, They somehow become neater...it's amazing when it's THEIR house. I'd be interested too in how he handles his children's mess---It wasn't easy around here for me :)
Bonnie, We have to choose our arguments....and this was one I wasn't going to win. I'm surprised now that they're out on their own that they're not neater--mine are until they come back to live. I have the both of them back for awhile.
Carole - Oh MAN can I relate to this post! The eldest had the worst room ever - she's a much better housekeeper now, though I did use to tease her, telling her I would need to wear hip boots to visit her house if that's the kind of cleaning she was planning on keeping! Even at that though, I could only take it for so long, after a while, I'd head upstairs, big green trash bag in hand and "offer" to help her rid her room of whatever was laying around - it got cleaned before I had to step in ;) The youngest isn't too bad yet - if her closets and drawers are any indication she should be fine, that girl could teach most adults (me included!) some organization tricks!
Let me ask you a question, so you do not advise the room makeovers for teens? I was thinking of surprising the youngest with a room makeover, but now I'm thinking with all those hormones flying about that might be b-a-d news!
Jackie
Carole...Great post, I can relate. You can clean my room anytime.
Cheers, have an awesome year in 2008!
HI Jackie, If you do a makeover for your teen, she should choose her own colors and be a part of it for sure (with your suggestions, of course). THEY are the ones that are supposed to choose what's comfortable for them---my son obviously was changing so fast he was always rearranging things! She'd probably LOVE a makeover if she's part of it, but I broke a Feng Shui rule of going in there and cleaning, his room was awful :)
Fred, You can be sure if I did it wouldn't look like a Chinese Restaurant :) Thank you for your comment and I wish you a wonderful and prosperous New Year as well!
13 days later and I finally read this post in its' entirety. Hallelujah! Carole...you had me going for a minute there and then you came through for me...as usual...and cleaned the room.
I cannot go a week without putting every thing in its proper place in Haley's room. EVERYTHING HAS A PLACE!
Of course Haley doesn't think so...her things can be left wherever they are left...okay but when she can't find something, who does she call? No, not the ghost busters...she calls ME. She can sleep with an opened box with twisties still attached and a hair brush, 2 channel changers, marking pens in an array of colors, dirty socks, and we hair. Sleep is not something she believes is something to get ready for...it is just something that happens.
Thank you so much for letting me know I will survive! I read somewhere that "If a child's room is clean, it wasn't cleaned by them".
Now my question is 'how does a clean room hinder her rapid changes?'
Carol,
I was just wondering...... what did you really do to your sons room to enhance his job search experience? I think this is such a balancing act --- I encourage my 17 yr old to clean his room occasionally. And I even share an office with him - so there are boundaries about a clean work/study environment for my sanity, but I'm with you - a person can just take so much - about twice a year I commit the worst - I actually go in and "clean". But really, its usually just clothes that get put away or put in the laundry.
So influencing his health, wealth and job searches, what do you do? I'm a little nervous about even heading in that direction because he is both an athlete and a high achieving student who hasn't had much time for work - It was suggested to me the other day that his school work and athletic activities were his "work". He has athletic scholarship potential but maybe I could do something to enhance his health?
Last time he asked for a change, we agreed to let him express himself and he painted his room, red, white and chalkboard black. (school colors of course). He would probably even be interested in making the changes himself if he thought they would help him, so what do you think I should suggest to him? Or am I messing with his really great energy combinations that are already in place?
Always enjoy hearing from you. Renee Kokoszka
Sheron, It was explained to us that their energy is changing so rapidly, THEY know what they are comfortable with--and what they aren't. I was told by every mentor I asked NOT to go in and interfere. Which I could stand--to a point. My kids knew if I stayed out of their room I was NOT responsible for where their things were--and wouldn't help them look (mean mom :) Teens (which even mean pre-teens) are supposed to keep their room in a way that's comfortable for THEM, not you! Which from what I've seen in most cases is awful :) It's more in depth but that's about what I can tell you here...
Renee, It's a difficult question here because he is already doing so well, I don't know if I'd touch it unless I had to. If he's experiencing health issues, that's something you'd have to look into from not only the center of his room but the center of your HOME. In my son's case he was literally rearranging furniture in the middle of the night! And then doing it again a month later....I enhanced his career area from inside his room over the entrance to his room. He was more amazed then I was when I finally stepped in and cleaned it and made some changes and he got a great job....Health issues I am much more careful with so I probably would take a look in the center of his room and your home to see what's going on there.