When I first starting practicing Feng Shui, there was one "Principle" that I was never taught. Feng Shui Consultations can be very draining. I have heard through the years from other consultants that they are able to leave a Consultation and forget it; they do not bring any of the emotions home with them and the experience does not at all drain them. Unfortunately, I am not that way.
Most of my clients call because they are having issues in their lives; they may feel stuck, have problems with income/money/careers or sometimes it is a more personal issue such as problems in their homes with their children or an impending divorce or one that has just occurred. We discuss all these things to find out what areas to concentrate on the most at this time, although we address them all. It tells me where to look, what to concentrate on the most to give them the full benefits of Feng Shui.
It also creates a BOND. Strangers that we have not yet met sharing their most personal information, oftentimes things that family or friends aren't even aware of. At this point in my life, there is not usually ONE situation that I have not come across in my own life and I oftentimes share that with them so they know I am aware of exactly how I feel. What I have never been able to do is simply "detach." I feel their pain and sorrows and wish I could take them out of the moment and into a brighter future, RIGHT NOW. But I am not a miracle worker and perhaps they have lessons to learn and there are things that I can't give them an immediate "fix" for; I wish I could. I find myself bringing home their problems, often worrying about them after and thinking about the consult long after it ends.
And I sometimes come out feeling very drained from all the emotions that come up. I wish I had learned whatever it is you need to find in yourself that you can leave and just detach from these wonderful people but it's apparently missing in me. I've been there, I can identify, and I know how deep the pain is and have to work at trying to release it. I have always had a great admiration for EMT workers, one of whom I used to work with in an office environment. She would relate some horrific traffic accident she had been called to the night before and after all the trauma and some very badly injured people, they would all go out to dinner. Thank Goodness for people like them, I always thought! It's not something I would EVER be able to do. But I CAN let them know the sun WILL rise again tomorrow.
I'm sure many Realtors feel the same emotions. Clients that don't want to leave their home for one reason or another, family issues with selling that may come up during which disagreements occur. And I would have to think that many of their personal issues touch your lives as well. At a younger age you can simply say "I hope that never happens to me." At a somewhat older age, chances are likely that it already has. I must be missing the "detach" gene.
But maybe that's what makes this works so real and passionate for me: Since I CAN identify, I will do my utmost to help them going above and beyond to help them see a better tomorrow. And from the others on AR that I have had the pleasure of speaking with I know you do as well. Whether it's finding that client their "dream home" and then stressing on whether or not it will go through as planned or staging a home and not having it sell as fast as you would have hoped, we FEEL it. Maybe THAT'S exactly what sets us apart from the rest---true compassion and true caring.
*Carole Provenzale has been a Certified Feng Shui Consultant since 1997 and is the Founder of Feng Shui Long Island with on site Consultations for all of Long Island and New York City and phone Consultations for those at a distance.
Hi Carole,
I love your posts; and even better is the fact that I can take something with me. Feng Shui is something that I think I better start incorporating into a daily schedule. Hope all is well.
Thank You
Tom Braatz
Hi Carole,
Sitting here corraled at my office downtown and I've forgotten my AR password so can't sign in (it's automatic on my home comp)....
Very heartful and touching post about being a highly sensitive person (which makes you an exemplary feng shui consultant) in a very troubled world. The same happens with me in all my interactions with clients and the people that I meet. I genuinely care and feel their pain, and often far too deeply.
I don't really know what the answer is , other than the fact that what we have are gifts...compassion, open-ness, empathy and the ability to see the larger picture intuitively.
My guide told me once 'your greatest strength is your greatest weakness' and I believe it is very true for you also.
talk with you later,
((-:
Jo
just detach from these wonderful people
Though hard to do I get caught up sometimes as well. Last year I had a family of 10 children. They bought and then sold. Wonderful family and when saying goodbye to all the little children I just broke down and cried. They still keep in touch with me!
They had put all their heart and soul into the home and did so many creative things...they cried too....but I think our emotions were for each other :)
Carole-It is those that truly care for others that can help the most. The one thing that I have said over and over to people is" we are all responsible for our behaviors, but none of us are responsible for our feelings...."
Just an observation that crossed my mind when reading this: How much easier it is for most people to talk about their problems with a stranger. We're often embarrassed to share those same problems with friends or family, because we care so much about how those friends and family see us.
Hi Carole !
Well I think you are putting yourself that label in your mind saying "I dont have the gene to detach" . It is within you to just rethink ....in that half glass full way.!! Better say I will detach from these things. Dont get me wrong. You have to train your mind to think in a positive way. The power of thinking right. It only shows you care and enjoy what you do, but you draw the line once you leave the property, close the folder and leave all thoughts in folder.
Carole...For you to do your job well, you need to be the way you are! You could never help you Clients with their needs if you couldn't or didn't make contact with who they are and how they feel....you deal with peoples souls.
As for EMT's They are taught to deal with bodies and what is wrong with them..they can detach, because they don't need to connect!
When you come home at night...pour a glass of wine, stretch out ....and in your head go over all that is good in your life! Then go make a good dinner and plan what you will write on AR that evening....before you know it...it will be a new day!
Carole-What comfort you give in your words. I find myself feeling as though I'm floating on the water with my arms out wide, listening to the water splash up against me and feeling the sun softly touch my face. Ahhh! What a beautiful mind you have and very caring spirit you hold.
I believe that it's ok to have that detachment gene missing as well. I've never had one either and like you, I've learned that it's ok. We just get the chance to hold onto another's hands a little longer, a little softer and give our hearts a little more.
Your compassion is what makes you so special and enables you to help your clients in a very special way. Perhaps another consultant could do the same "job" but with you it is an emotional and caring experience. In my opinion, that is what makes you so successful. Could you get the same results if you did not feel the pain, understand the anxiety?
Carole,
I too believe that the best part of the passion that makes you successful, will not allow you to forget what the needs were/are of your Clients.
I have read a bit on Feng Shui....and I do not pretend to understand enough to practice....that being said I am always on the lookout to be a better Agent...and I will read more.
Thank you and have a great day,
Tom,Thank you for stopping in to comment. I would love to have you incorporate some Feng Shui into your life and let us know how it works!
Carol, A heart does in fact hold memories. These clients are all wonderful people and some are hurting, I wish I could be more help.
Bill & Barbara, I'm very glad to hear that, I thought most of Florida used it quite often now. I'm glad it's getting better known there, it truly does help.
Kathy, I think about my clients long after a consultation and I'm fortunate they usually call or email me afterwards or I will contact them. The wonderful thing is that friendships are born.
Jo,I know you are the same and feel things deeply for others as well. I don't like to take it hope with me and have tried to leave it at the door but it's inevitable to think of them often (and check up on them as well). I always hope I've helped...that's why I love those calls and emails when they come.
Sally, I already had you pegged for someone who did the same thing, you genuinely FEEL for people and what they are going through. I'd be crying with a family like that too, and your wonderful Mr. W.....I can't even forget him and he's your client!
Kathy, I love your quote, I have always been accused of being "too sensitive." It was partially you that spurred this post, on your other comment about detachment disorder with my daughter I kept thinking how different she and I are in that respect....So thank you! It made me look at things I really do need to change.
Cheryl, I believe you are right on this. I think often that many people hide their true feelings from both family and friends and put on a "happy, wonderful" front. That must be exhausting. I'm glad they can at least release to me in that case, I hadn't really thought about that aspect all that much.
Fernando, Thanks for your response, I do try and do that. But people touch me very deeply and it's hard to close the door and leave it all behind.....I'm working on it.
Karen, Thank you, it is great but I find myself worrying about so many people and situations and that's not such a good thing. I need to not get so deeply involved (and you, too) because it can drain us...
Donna, It's very true what you wrote and I know there are others out there in any line of work that get too involved. I have dreams as well but that actually helps me help them; I will sometimes see things in a different way or get some insights I didn't have. It doesn't happen all the time but it happens often enough. Now I wonder if your dreams are conveying something to you?
Katerina, Thank you so much for the information, I will go and check it out. I work on and off with an Energy Healer to learn healing and help with letting go because I know it is not good for us and we need to conserve our own energy. He's been very helpful in many ways. I will go check out your link and thank you!
Joan, I love your idea about unwinding, relaxing and WINE :) I will absolutely start using it. Often when I come home I am so tired I will throw in a tv dinner and head to bed which isn't helping at all! Thanks, Ms. Maven!
Dena, Thank you, it absolutely can be overwhelming but it also helps you see why they might be "stuck." I can look at a home and know what issues are going on in someone's life for the most part although it took a long time to do that. I also know if you're feeling that way it makes you very good at what you do, helping people. And that's what it's all about.
Julie, Thank you for your beautiful words. I'm not sure if it's wise not to detach, we all have our own issues to deal with but I've never been able to help it. It certainly helps me to know that I am not alone in this, that many people have clients that touch them so deeply and they'll think of (and yes, worry about) often.
Cynthia, I honestly don't know if I would get the same results but I don't think so. Because they know that even when the consultation is over I am there for them and they'll call if they have questions or get "stuck" and hopefully I can get them back on track again.
Missy, Thank you. I know they know I care about them...I don't think I could hide it if I wanted to! But I am wondering about our own energy drain that can result. And sometimes I wish I could just let it go but I keep thinking of them--and worrying.
Dan, Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I'm glad you will look into Feng Shui because if you haven't had clients that are interested in it, I know that you will eventually. Some realtors wonder why some of their clients doen't like a particular home which at first seemed ideal for them and it's sometimes a Feng Shui issue that they don't speak of!
Teresa, Thank you, it was a pleasure to speak and email with you as well. I hope some of it helped. I wonder why this issue never came up in school that I can remember but the other consultants that I've spoken to about it don't bring their clients issues home with them---and yet it seems many people on AR do. It's so good to know I'm not alone in this.
Lizette, You may be very right on that one....I was the one that was called for a reason but I know you....YOU are the same way! You often go on to become close friends with former clients and that would never happen unless you cared deeply as well and they know it. We are very far away and very similar.
Lisa, Thanks for the comment. I'm sure you keep in touch with many clients, the same as I do. And then you meet a new one and reconnect with someone else all over again. I'm sure with the way you are with people, that "little hole" fills up fast!
Ines, I am so glad to hear I'm not the only one, there are so many people on here that relate. It's good to know I'm not alone; I was very surprised to hear the two other consultants mention that they didn't have this issue. Thank you for your comment.
Betty, I think I will always feel badly for some of these lovely people who seem to have so many issues. It does always make you very grateful for your own life, though.
Candy, I am just now trying to catch up with all my clients of the last year and sending out emails. There are some in particular that I'm wondering how they are and hoping they are well.....bonds are definitely formed, it sounds like you are the same way as well.
Carole - You are so genuine and authentic - you have exceptional gifts. I believe you're right, it's the true compassion and true caring that set some to do certain work and others to do other work.
Jackie (who seems to relish each and every of Carole's post's)